She's Saving Me
by Let It Ring
Summary: M for some adult contentsexuality.


SECURE IN LOVE

_She's saving me; I don't even think she knows it_

_It's a strange way to show it as distant as last night's dream unravels_

_She's saving me; I'm a very lost soul_

_I was born with a hole in my heart the size of my landlocked travels_

Indigo Girls, She's Saving Me

_My dearest Madeleine,_

_Please do not regard this letter as childish, mindless love scratching, as it is not. I put a lot of time and effort, even tears, into the writing of it. _

_There is not one day that goes by in which I don't think of you. I wake up with a longing gnawing at my insides. I love you, Madeleine. There are a million poetic devices that I could use here, but I fear they will not achieve the depth I look and crave for. I just love you._

_I realize now that you are deeply committed to Christine, and that fact, combined with my age, drives me as far from you as I could possibly be. It brings me to tears to realize that each morning I will wake in a sweat, absolutely convinced for one fleeting second that you are here with me, while you awake oblivious, secure in love._

_I do not want to be your friend. It's funny how impersonal that word is, even though it's supposed to be so intimate and…close. People have hundreds of friends, but really only one person who they truly love with all of their hearts._

_Please do not cast this aside, but also don't do anything stupid just because I'm upset—your well-being is infinitely more important than mine. Simply hold onto it, hold it in your heart and remember these words—if you ever need me, I'll be there._

_With great love and affection,_

_Olivia ♥_

Madeleine reached up to find her eyes wet with tears upon completing the letter. She cleared her throat and whispered into the sleeping Olivia's tousled hair, "It's okay, I'm here now," then kissed her. In the kiss, which deepened as Olivia awoke, she promises four things:

_I will never leave you._

_I will love you forever._

_I'm sorry._

_I forgive you for not saving me sooner._

The kiss progressed into other things and the usually sexually selfish Madeleine found herself pulling Olivia's hands away on various occasions. "_C'est pour toi," _she whispered at Olivia's peak. "_C'est pour seulement toi."_

Several minutes later, Madeleine and Olivia snuggled together, just breathing.

"What was that about?" Olivia wondered, pulling Madeleine closer.

"Oh." Madeleine grinned sheepishly. "Um. I found a letter that you wrote…" she twists a lock of Olivia's hair nervously. "And I felt bad."

Olivia smiled sleepily, trying to recall. "Which letter?"

"You mean there's more that one?" This amuses Madeleine. "It was the one where you told me not to disregard it. Geez, Olivia, why didn't you _say_ something?"

"I was afraid," explains Olivia, using a voice Madeleine has never heard her use—a sort of a mythical, storyteller voice. "I didn't want you to be angry" the voice changes again, a small child's voice. "Or think I was being immature." She sighs, contented. "But you're here now." She seems to be drifting back to sleep, so Madeleine relaxes a little and lets her own mind ebb away. She knows now that what Olivia said was true. From next morning forward, she will awake secure in love. She has a question, a request, before Olivia falls asleep. "Olivia?" she whispers.

"Mmmmm?"

"Stay here with me forever."

A proposal of marriage is a serious undertaking, not to be tossed about lightly. One looking from the outside in may think that Madeleine's proposal is of this type. They do not know the truth. They are not on the inside. Madeleine smiles and drifts off to sleep.

In the morning the daily routine continues as if nothing has happened. Madeleine wonders if she perhaps dreamt the whole thing until six o'clock that night, when Olivia finally got home. Her face was flushed and she had a smile on her face—Madeleine was once again reminded of someone. "Did you really mean what you said?" Olivia demands, her eyes bright like a small child's. _Claire, _thinks Madeleine. _She reminds me of Claire._ If this is the truth, then why does it make Madeleine so happy?

"What did I say?" Madeleine asks, playing dumb for Olivia's benefit. She enjoys this game.

"About staying with you forever? Did you mean it?"

Madeleine grins. It wasn't a dream. She plunks a kiss at the top of Olivia's head and says, "Sure did. What do you say you and I get some supper with my maman?" Madeleine feels herself switching back into her Jack mode—she truly is her father's daughter.

Olivia pats Winnie on the head and says, "Just let me get a shower." Madeleine grins and trails Olivia, sitting perched on the side of the tub and rattling off the day's material to her. Olivia's laugh bubbles up from inside of her and that happy-sad nostalgic feeling overwhelms Madeleine. In a quiet reflective moment, Madeleine vows never to let her marriage get like her parents'. She will never lie to Olivia. She will never keep secrets. Cliché or not, Madeleine knows that this is the first day of the rest of her life. After supper she will tell Olivia everything.


End file.
